My vlog from this week is below if you want to come along for the full weekend update, including the house progress, the GLP-1 challenge announcement, my Halloween costume debacle, and me discovering that apparently losing 95 pounds does not guarantee that a costume you really want is going to fit.
I weighed 193 pounds this morning.
I am not happy about it.
I wish I could come here and tell you that after losing 95 pounds, I have reached the stage of this journey where every number on the scale is simply interesting information. That I stepped on, saw 193, considered the data, and continued peacefully with my morning like someone who has evolved beyond caring.
That is not what happened.
I saw 193, and I was frustrated.
A few weeks ago, I saw 185. Last Sunday, I weighed 191. Now I am at 193, and while I understand that weight fluctuates and there are a hundred different things that can affect what the scale says on any given morning, I would still very much prefer for those fluctuations to be happening in the other direction.
Understanding why a number might be happening does not automatically mean you have to be happy about it.
And then, almost immediately, I thought about today.
I was standing in a Halloween costume that I could not get over my lower stomach.
I had picked out this adorable steampunk costume, and I was genuinely excited about it. My family was dressing up together. My husband had his costume. My kids had theirs. We have only really started dressing up for Halloween during the last few years, which is another thing that feels connected to this entire journey because before losing weight, I would still go to the party.
I just would not dress up.
I would wear regular clothes.
I did not want the attention on my body. I did not want to wear something that made me feel exposed. I did not want to spend an entire night thinking about how I looked.
So there I was, standing in a costume that did not fit, and I was annoyed.
Not devastated.
Not questioning whether I had lost weight.
Just genuinely annoyed because I have lost 95 pounds, and there are still things I cannot fit into that I want to wear.
That is the part of weight loss that I think can be difficult to explain to someone who has never been in this position.
You can be incredibly proud of how far you have come while simultaneously being frustrated that you are not where you want to be yet.
Both things can be true at the same time.
