190.3
That’s what the scale said this morning.
And honestly, I’m not shocked.
I’ve been pretty open about the fact that this week wasn’t exactly a “look at me, I’m crushing my calories” kind of week. I ate out more than I planned to, I wasn’t particularly focused on making the best choices, and mentally, I have just felt a little tired of thinking about food.
Which is actually the part I’ve been thinking about the most.
Because I know what I’m supposed to do.
I know that if I want the scale to consistently move down, I have to pay attention to what I’m eating. I know calories matter. I know portions matter. I know that eating out several times a week makes it much harder for me to stay where I want to be.
None of this is new information.
My problem isn’t that I don’t know what to do.
My problem is that sometimes I just don’t want to think about doing it.
And I think there is a huge difference between those two things.
In my vlog this week, I actually said it out loud: I don’t want to pre-plan everything. I don’t want to count everything out. I don’t want to constantly be thinking about what I’m going to eat next.
Sometimes I just want to be hungry, look around, and eat something.
That doesn’t mean I don’t want to lose weight.
It doesn’t mean I’ve given up.
It doesn’t mean I don’t care.
It means I’m trying to figure out how to make these two things coexist.
I want to lose weight, but I also want to live my life.
And maybe that’s the actual work for me right now.
I’m Trying to Figure Out What “Balance” Actually Means
I’ve spent a lot of time over the last few years learning about weight loss, tracking food, changing portions, making better choices, learning what keeps me full, figuring out what works with my schedule, and figuring out what absolutely does not.
But there is still this part of me that wants the magic version of weight loss.
The version where I can eat whatever sounds good, whenever I want it, without thinking about calories, and somehow the scale continues to go down anyway.
Unfortunately, I have not discovered that version yet.
And I’m pretty sure if I do, I’ll be selling it.
But I also don’t think the answer is that I need to become obsessed with food again.
That’s the part I’m trying to avoid.
I don’t want every meal to become a math problem. I don’t want to spend my entire Sunday planning what I’m going to eat Monday through Friday. I don’t want to feel like I have failed because I went to In-N-Out with my family or ordered something at a restaurant that wasn’t the lowest-calorie thing on the menu.
I want to figure out how to make better choices without making food the center of my life.
That’s the experiment I’m in right now.
And I’m not going to pretend I’ve figured it out.
Because I haven’t.
And This Is Exactly Why We’re Doing October Together
This is also why I am really excited about our October challenge inside Girl Code Daily.
We’re going to focus on steps, but I don’t want this to turn into another challenge where everyone feels like they’re failing because they didn’t hit 10,000 steps.
I don’t even consistently hit 10,000 steps.
Some days I’m around 5,000. Some days I’m lower. And I know there are people who are starting at 2,000 or 3,000.
So our goal is really simple:
Walk more than you are walking now.
That’s it.
Every morning in Girl Code Daily, there will be a new chat for that day’s challenge. Throughout the day, we can check in, share screenshots, talk about how we’re doing, encourage each other, and just keep showing up.
And I think that is what I want these monthly challenges to be about.
Not perfection.
Not another number you have to hit.
Not another reason to feel bad about yourself.
Just a reason to show up.
Because maybe your food isn’t perfect that day.
Maybe you don’t get your workout in. Maybe you’re exhausted. Maybe your week is completely chaotic. You can still take a walk.
You can still check in.
You can still do something.
You can still be in it.
And I think that matters.
If you’re already inside Girl Code Daily, I’ll see you in the October challenge.
And if you’re not, come join us.
JOIN GIRL CODE DAILY →
Because I don’t think any of us need another place where we’re expected to have it all together.
I think we need somewhere to keep showing up while we’re figuring it out.
And that’s exactly what I’m trying to do with my own weight loss right now.
I’m figuring it out, too.