We moved. and i’m still here.
Moving day, 183.5, and what I learned about what my body can actually do
183.5
We moved this week.
And at the end of the day, sitting on the floor of our new bedroom completely out of gas, something hit me that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.
Watch here:
What I didn’t know I had lost
When you gain a significant amount of weight, it doesn’t happen all at once. It creeps in slowly. And so does the loss of what your body used to be able to do.
You stop volunteering to help people move. You start sitting out of the family photos. You say no to the beach trip, the pool day, the vacation that sounds amazing on paper but requires a bathing suit and you’re just not there yet. You sit in the car at the grocery store waiting for someone to pull out of the spot closest to the door because you need it to be that one specifically and you will wait as long as it takes.
And at some point you stop noticing that you’re doing any of that. It just becomes your life. Your normal. The version of the world that was built around what your body could and couldn’t handle, and you stopped questioning it so long ago that you forgot you were even doing it.
I didn’t realize how much I had quietly given up until this weekend when I got some of it back.
The day
Moving day was a lot. We had a U-Haul, a t-ball game, a volleyball championship I had to coach, two trips back to the old house after I thought we were done, and fast food for every single meal because there was genuinely nothing else. My husband and my sister in law packed most of the U-Haul while I was at t-ball and I spent the entire game feeling guilty about it, which is very on brand for me.
By 9pm the bed was made, the couch was set up, the kids were settled, and I sat down on the floor of our new bedroom and just stopped.
And that’s when it hit me.
I did all of that. My body did all of that. A full day of physical labor, two kids activities, multiple trips back and forth, hours on my feet, and I was tired at the end of it but I was not destroyed. I functioned. I kept going. I showed up for all of it.
Two years ago, at 250 pounds, that day would have taken me out completely.
What 250 pounds actually felt like
I want to be careful here because I don’t think bodies at any size are less capable or less worthy. But I know my body at 250 pounds. I lived in it. I know what it felt like from the inside.
A day like Saturday would have wrecked me for three days minimum. The joint pain alone from that much time on my feet would have had me limping by noon. The mental load of pushing through that kind of exhaustion would have meant I wasn’t actually present for any of it. Not the t-ball game. Not the volleyball match. Not the kids at the end of the night when they just needed me to be there.
I would have survived moving day. But I would not have shown up for it.
That’s the difference nobody really talks about. Not the number on the scale. Not the before and after photos. It’s the random Saturday where you realize your life has gotten bigger because your body can do more in it. Because you stopped quietly saying no to things without even realizing you were doing it.
If you’re reading this and you recognize yourself in any of that, I want you to know that I see you. And I want you to know that it changes. Not all at once. Not on any timeline you can predict. But it changes.
The food
McDonald’s for breakfast. Burger King for lunch. Papa John’s for dinner.
183.5 showed up this morning anyway.
I’m not saying that to be glib about nutrition, because what you eat matters and I believe that. I’m saying it because three years ago I would have used a day like Saturday as evidence that I was failing. Now I know it for what it actually was. A hard day. A full day. A day where I did the best I could with what I had. And then I woke up the next morning and kept going.
That’s what this journey actually looks like from the inside.
Back to Day One has officially started…
55 people joined the first cohort and I am still not over it.
If you missed the start, you are not late. You join on whatever day we’re on, catch up at your own pace, and get back to the basics alongside people who actually get it. No shame spiral. No starting from scratch. Just one day at a time with people in it with you.
We’re running this quarterly. Spring cohort is now. Summer starts July 1st. Fall starts October 1st. Winter starts January 1st.
The link is below if you’re ready.
The full vlog is on YouTube if you want to see the whole chaotic day play out, including the apartment tour.
xo
Nyk
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Wow what a busy Saturday. You were amazing! Showing up for all the events and moving in top of that is to be admired. Congrats on the new home and on the way you handled moving day!